doing good.....

I was getting in line at the grocery store on Friday morning and the people in front of me where struggling on what to put back because they didn't have the money.  The older woman was using the motorized cart, so clearly there were health issues as well as lack of funds.

As soon as they checked out, I put the items they had put back on to the conveyor belt.  There wasn't anyway I could get them the groceries with out them knowing about it, and I tried not to make a big deal of it.  They were thankful, and I just told them to pay it forward.  I was feeling pretty good about it because most of my donations are anonymous through the food bank or the clothing bank.

Then my dad called.

My mom had surgery on Monday that was out patient and not a big deal.  But surgery none the less.  I hadn't called her all week.  He was calling to remind me.  I could have cared less because she is ALWAYS having surgery.

I was showing more charity to some struggling people in a grocery store than my own mother.  NICE!

So BS nagged suggested that we go visit them today.  I'm so bull headed and hard hearted that I would never have made myself go.  I'm glad that I have such a good and Godly man who would gently make me do the right thing.

Clearly I have a long way to go in the charity department.

A very good lesson to learn during Lent.

finishing up....

I was a Cub Scout leader for my 5th grader and his friends....

Today we crossed them over to Boy Scouts.

The heavens opened and the angels sang....I thought I was finished.

Then the Boy Scout assistant scout master began to talk to me about how we were going to start working the boys through the new scout program.

and I was like...."what?!?!?!?"

Sigh...I wonder how that's going to work out for me!!!

privacy.....

Our children are always in the house.

With the ages we have (21 to 7) there are always people coming and going at odd times of the day.

It doesn't leave a lot of alone time, or quality marital benefits, with dear BS.  I thought that after 21 years, the sneaking around at 3 in the morning because-they-are-finally-all-asleep-and-out-of-our-bed! phase was over and we could be a little less creative and a lot more frequent in our marital benefits.

Apparently not.

Last night the little boys were in bed, sleeping at their normal time.  The big boys were down in the basement gaming and probably would be for hours. BS and I were doing the normal bed time routine and at a decent hour.  I forgot about the daughter.  Shouldn't ought to have done that....

At 11:30, when it was supposed to be "safe", our dear, dear daughter knocks on the door.

"You guys are being LOUD!"

What ever did she mean?!?!

electronic free....

My husband and I went to a conference on Tuesday, courtesy of my employer.

The topic was about vocation and attitudes towards employment and leisure.  We were completely inspired.

The speaker spent a great deal of time speaking about the importance of Sunday and keeping the Sabbath.

Then he said it.  "You should unplug on Sundays.  No electronics."

I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I saw my daughter's hand empty of her phone.  And then I thought about the last time I went phone free for a day.

It wasn't pretty.

So the first Sunday of Lent was electronic free.  My children spent a lot of time in their rooms.  The house was quiet.  No fighting, no loud gaming/tv/computer sounds, no notifications from phones.

It was very, very painful.

That is how I knew it was the correct thing to do.

Next Sunday I will be more prepared.  Maybe we'll pick a book and I'll read it out loud.  We could do a puzzle or play a game.  But I will be grateful for the opportunity to hear that speaker remind me that to unplug is a very good thing.

silence....

I have a very big mouth and ain't afraid to use it!

When I go to confession it is often the one thing that I spend a lot of time making excuses for, examining my conscience for the hurtful words, revealing of secrets and rash judgement that I make regularly. It is an awful, AWFUL! habit that I have been trying to overcome for a long time.

I have made a lot of improvements, with a long way to go.

When I was preparing for Lent, I left my prayer group and I felt it put on my heart, "Be silent".  And then the local radio station played a sermon from a preacher that talked about using "words to build up people because that is why God gave us language.  If you can't do that...be silent".  There have been other confirmations along the way that I know that is what I'm working on for Lent.

I'm a sales person and a mom.  So I will have to work really hard to not have loose lips this lent!!!  But getting virtue is never easy and I want a fruitful Lent, so I'm going to try and keep this on my mind, in my heart, and off my lips for 40 days!

I haven't heard.....

She has a round face with rosy cheeks that doesn't reveal her age. She reminds me of Mrs. Claus.

Her son is at the same therapy clinic as Smoochy.  They are allowed to play together periodically during their sessions.

We happened to be picking our sons up at the same yesterday and the therapists were working with the boys to get them to say good bye to each other.

Smoochy: "Good bye Boy".

Boy: "Good bye Smoochy".

Mrs. Claus-look-alike: "Hi, I'm Mrs. Claus and I figure if we're going to be here at the same time, we might as well know each other." pause....."I haven't heard him say that before".

Stopped me in my tracks. How many times have I said that?

It made me look at her and see that joy in her face as her child achieved something that she had probably been longing for and working towards for a very long time. Stated with such a casual, nonchalant statement.

When you have a child with autism, you say that stuff out loud and keep moving.  You never know when,  and if, you'll ever hear it again.  So you affirm it to anyone who will listen, hold it in your heart and hope with all hope that it'll happen again.  You hold that first time in your heart with great joy and amazement.

And you wait for the next time you'll say, "I haven't heard him say that before...."

missed the signs....

I have 3 sons with autism.  When my second oldest was born, I had heard of autism.  Some vague recollection of the movie Rain Man, that it affected mostly boys, and there was a rise in cases.  I certainly never thought it would affect my child.

He was delayed in his baby milestones, but he was a few weeks early and tiny, so I didn't freak out. Then he started doing weird things that babies shouldn't do.  Then his speech developed weird and I became concerned. Autism started to become less vague.  I would mention it to my doctor and it would be "just a phase, he'll grow out of it".  Only he didn't.

When he wandered away on the day we moved and was lost for a couple of hours because he wouldn't respond to his name, at 3 years old, I wouldn't take "it's just a phase" anymore.  Autism became very real.

Our journey began and it has never ended.  It never does when dealing with disability.

Buggie's story will be another day...The point of this is to contrast T-Rex with Smoochie.

Sweet Smoochie was a beautiful baby.  He slept, he ate.  He hit all the baby milestones right on schedule.  He blew bubbles, looked at us, received love and gave it back.  He had 12 words at 12 months. There were 3 things that were weird that he did, but I told myself those were phases. It didn't freak me out.  Autism had become vague again.

He stopped adding words.  He started screaming.  His behavior became uncontrollable. If we didn't have the older kids to help, I would have lost my mind! I became concerned...very, very concerned.  But just couldn't believe that it was autism.  He was so different than T-Rex, it just couldn't be.

And then it was.  He was 4 when we got him tested.  A 4 yr old boy who tested at 18 months on all his scores.  Some of them were even 12 months!!

How could I have missed this?!?! How could I been so sure of those weird things being phases that I didn't look harder??? Why did I not put the pieces of the puzzle together???

Our journey then began for this child.  So very different from the journey with T-Rex.

After a year of massive, and I mean MASSIVE, medical journey, I am getting my sweet Smoochie back.  He is adding full sentences.  He stopped screaming.  His behavior has become manageable.  I still don't want to believe it is autism.

We had a few new speech tests done last week. He tested 4 yrs 11 months on both of them!!! No more 18 months, no more 12 months, no more 3 years old on the test scores!!! He finally broke through the barrier, smashed the threshold of where he has been stuck for 3 years!!!!

I rejoice in this news and thank the Sweet Lord for answering our prayers!!!

a good mother would!!!!

technological arguing....

My cousin made an obscure comment on Facebook.

It could apply to my mother....but it didn't.  My cousin isn't that brazen.

I liked it because even though I knew it didn't apply to my mother, it sooo easily could.  And it was generic enough that just about everyone on Facebook has had it happen to them at one time or another.

Then my mother had to go and act like a 12 year old and post a comment on the thread...it was UUUUGLEEE!

Said cousin sent my mother a private message to explain that it did not reference her and then posted a comment on the thread that stated same thing.

I am friends with both of them so I was able to follow the whole public conversation and my mother knows this.  And yet she sent me an email to explain it to me.

I replied with very specific instructions on how to avoid this mess next time.

It wasn't received well.

Which is the advantage of technological arguing....I can let the whole thing drop; I'm not going to say more than I should because typing slows my mouth down; and I can let my mother think she has won because I've stopped replying.

A win-win for any good mother!

understanding....

We invited a health care worker into our home this morning at a bright and early 7 a.m.

This nurse clearly loved her job.  NOT.

I have never had anyone in my home, especially so early, who was so minimally polite.

My husband graciously and with great patience jumped through all the required hoops.  Especially since he was running behind to get to the services for the our dear family member who passed away on Sunday.  To say he hadn't wanted to deal with this in the pre-dawn hours on a very busy and important day is an understatement.  He was so gracious and charitable in the face of inconvenience, and quite a bit of unfriendliness, in his own home!

And then he left.  Leaving me with her.

She said, "You're husband is so patient and kind.  You are so lucky. My day is filled with people who don't understand that this takes an hour and what the limits are to the information I can take."

My attitude quickly changed and became what it should have been the moment this woman walked across our threshold.  I should have been like my husband, and well, less like me.  I was quick to judge, and anger, and pompous superiority.

I understood that this woman isn't treated kindly by people that have ASKED her to come into their homes and provide a service all day long.  Of course she hates her job.  Who wouldn't?!?!

I am so proud of my husband that in the midst of his suffering that he could still offer charity to someone who was making it hard to offer it.  I hope that I wrapped it all up with additional kindness and sent her on her way with good thoughts for the rest of her day.

Just like any old...

good mother would....

rude people.....

We are trying to sell our house.   We put it on the market Labor Day weekend.  We fixed it all up and moved out.  New bathroom and redone kitchen done by my hard working husband with love and tenderness.

Our house was built in 1968 but it has been maintained really well. We added on so the layout is not standard, but it isn't bizarre. The neighborhood has a good school within walking distance and the street is quiet with a very nice back yard.  What's not to love?

Let's start the litany, shall we?

Shoddy workmanship,
 old windows,
 bizarre lay out,
 priced too high,
 don't like the lot,
 there was a funny smell,
and bad location.

Can you imagine being so rude to say these things about somebody's HOME??? How much it must hurt my husband to hear his castle being spoke of in this manner!!!

It may be a house for sale to you, but to me it is where I birthed 6 babies and raised the living.  It is where we had 4th of July celebrations, birthdays, holidays, and impromptu driveway bon fires with our many neighbors and friends.  We made lots and lots of memories there.

And, you, potential buyer are being rude and disrespectful to us and our house with your snooty assessment and comments.

I am trying to not be vengeful.....  I am trying to not wish them the same comments when they sell their house as we have received them.

And I have vowed that if we buy an existing house instead of building a new one, I will not be cruel in my assessment of someone else's home!

Because.....

a good mother would.....

difficult times....

We have entered a difficult time....a beloved friend of the family is dying.  Mercifully it has gone very fast.  His diagnosis was grim when they told him Dec 26th.  And now we are to the end 6 weeks later.

It is impacting my BS and his dear sister greatly and everyone they work with.  My place of employment will be slightly.  The impact on the community will be dramatic.

One person that has touched so, so  many lives....I'm sure he is saving souls with all of his suffering....

Pray for us....

what does a good mother look like?

I drive a 10 yr old Ford E150 full size van.  It needed an oil change, so I went to our local francise of a national chain to have it done.  The employees drive it into the bay and you are invited to "take a seat and we'll be right with you".

So I did.  And he was.

We went through the formalities of the information.....name, address, do you need an air filter...typical.

And then he asked.  I suppose he couldn't help him self.  After 7 years, I'm used to it.

"So, is that a church bus?"

"Nope, it's mine.  I wanted a 12 passenger, but my husband said I'd fill with babies, so he only bought me an 8 passenger.  So I filled it with 6 babies."

"SIX?!?! REALLY??!?!"

Yep, I totally blew his mind.

So they finish and it's check out time.....

"You really have 6 kids?"

"Yes, dear.  I really have 6 kids."

"Wow.  You don't look like you have 6 kids."

"Thanks, that is very sweet of you."

And I thought it was at the time.  But as I was driving home...I began to wonder what someone looks like that has 6 or more kids?  Do we grow and extra head? (although extra hands would be sweet when the kiddos are little)  Haggard with no teeth?  Sloppy dresses and bare feet?  I mean, honestly....how am I supposed to take that???

I guess I'm relieved that I have 6 children and look like a "normal" woman.

any...

good mother would....