standing there....

Smoochie was sent home Wed from school due to coughing and a "fever" of  99.5 degrees.  He popped around here all afternoon and was generally joyful about being here and NOT in school.  Clearly not sick, but just a run of the mill cold.

Thursday I get him up and check his temp 3 time to make sure he isn't running a fever.  Nope, nada, not even a smidge.  I even check Wickers temp just to make sure the thing is working.  It is all good.  I go about my morning routine, come down the stair to find sweet Smoochie lying the sofa.  Now this child has ADHD to the max and NEVER lies down.  It stopped me in my tracks.

I just stood there.  I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I didn't know what to do.  I. just. stood. there.

I have been a mother for 21 years.  Countless illnesses, surgeries, and associated messes.  But this hyperactive, autistic 7 yr old stopped me dead in my tracks like a new mom of 1 month old infant.  Is he sick, or not?  Should he stay home or not?  School is really good for him and time off is really bad, so do I try to send him because he needs it?  Or do I leave him home because he needs it?  Time is ticking, a decision needs to be made....and I. just. stood. there.

If you know me well, you know that is not my character.  I am a charge ahead without thinking kinda gal, damn the outcome.  I am a Type A personality to the extreme.  Decision making isn't hard for me.  Not that morning.  I did not know what to do.  At all.  It was unnerving.  It was terrifying.  It was heartbreaking.  I did not know what to do with this child.  I sent him to school and by 8:20 he was running a fever of 101.5. I chose badly.

My dear friend at work told me I need to spend more time on my knees in the chapel when I told her the story.  I stood there and looked at her.  How could such a simple solution escape me?

Perhaps I am being silenced and shocked into stillness so God can lead me.  I went and spent that time on my knees praying that I will no longer just stand there.  But if it is His will, then I will, because....

a good mother would....