Sunday, August 18, 2013

big deal.

I cut my hair.

No big deal right?

When you are young it grows and the color doesn't radically change over night and you experiment because it just grows back.

But then an odd thing happens in your 40's.

If you're lucky the gray is slowly starting to arrive.  The over all color begins to change.  It doesn't grow easily anymore and that once totally thick pony tail?  Well, it isn't any more.

I was a natural blond into my late 30's and then it went dark, suddenly.  I colored it for about 10 years because I didn't recognize my self in the mirror.  When the late 40's arrived, I decided that I was tired of maintenance. I decided that God has us change through the years for a reason and I needed to embrace that process.

I let the blond grow out and I finally cut it.  The blond is gone now.  It's a big deal, and yet it isn't.  There is some freedom in this process.  A transition to a different age, era, and everything that comes with it.  It is a big deal that I still feel 25 and no longer look it.  It is a big deal that I am no longer fertile, but I still long for babies.  It is a big deal that after 21 years I no longer have any babies, toddlers, or preschoolers in my home, just young adults and teens with one child left in the mix.

While those are all big changes, I'm ready.  We have gotten through most of the terribly hard family building years that are life draining, financially draining, and spiritually challenging.  And I would go back again tomorrow and do it all again!

But now I remember how for years I have watched the older people at daily mass and I have longed to be one. To be able to attend to spirituality as your full time job?? What joy!!!  And now in 20 short years I will be one.  And I'm glad.  And that is a big. deal.

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