So....here we are. 3 days into Lent.
Such high expectations! Such plans!
UUUGGGGHHH!
What was I thinking? And seriously, why is it painful to give up my car radio, when there are thousands of people in the world that don't have clean water, food and shelter. And I'm all like, I want my radio!
W.O.W. Perspective much???
I also gave up facebook. So now instead of scrolling news feed, I'm trying to find other things to fill that void on the computer.
Here is the purpose of Lent: to fill that void with the LORD. I know that. And yet I am still seeking that "other" stuff. I even know that I'm doing it, and I can't stop.
I am thankful for Lent to have a time of encouragement, when the whole Church as a community moves towards being better servants of the Lord. I know that I'm not alone and am encouraged by other's examples.
I guess I can cut myself some slack since I know that it is just 3 days. A marathon, not a sprint!
Redouble my efforts and be grateful that I can try again!
a good mother would.....
Friday, March 7, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
what was lost...
I am a revert from a long line of strong Catholic families on both sides of the family.
I LOVE the heritage of the faith from these people. And they couldn't be more different.
My mother is 1st generation American from French and German immigrant farmers. She was raised on the land, 11 of 12 children. Only her youngest brother ended up with a college degree and I have 65 first cousins. Her father died when I was 8 and her mother died when I was a sophomore in college. A few years after my grandfather died we moved my grandmother into a house down the block from my childhood home. We took her to the store every week, mowed her lawn and she attended mass with us. My brothers and I simply adored this farmer's wife who made home made bread, embroidered pillow cases, by hand, and made the best cherry pie EVER! She had a simple faith of a simple woman. I think she had one rosary, a bible and maybe a prayer book. I can't remember. But I know that her faith walked with her every day of her life.
My paternal grandfather committed suicide a few weeks before I was born. My grandmother remarried and my step grandfather is the only one I remember. He was a free mason and mocked all things Catholic, but my grandmother kept her faith. They were married for 35 years and she went to mass every Saturday night, but she would never take communion. Even though she was free to be remarried, I don't know if he was. He had been married before as well, but not being religious, I don't know if it had been a church wedding, so he could have been free to as well. But he wouldn't play nice with Church rules and my grandmother adored him more than Jesus. So she did what she could do to still be considered Catholic and she had a strong devotion to the Blessed Mother. She would baby sit us when we were little, and she would make baloney sandwiches, rice crispy treats and spaghettios. She cheated at cards and my brothers and I adored her. She was 2 of 5, born and raised in the city. She was a professional accountant and did the books for a local grocery store in a time when women didn't typically hold such positions. My father is an only child, so I have NO first cousins on his side! She was a treasure trove of Catholic heritage. I have tons of old books, bibles, rosaries, medals, prayer cards...the list could go on and on.
When I first came back to the Church and found the Latin Mass, I threw myself into the mystery of those treasures. And with everything that I investigated from her, I learned things about my faith that I had never been taught before. I felt connected to all the people who walked the walk of faith long before me and I was tethered to the Saints and Martyrs from those prayer cards. I grew by leaps and bounds in my faith and I wanted what they had had access to. I thought the Catholic church was timeless, the truths endless and the Church Triumphant was connected to the Church Militant, and Church Suffering.
We committed to the Novus Ordo mass. Enrolled the children in Catholic school and did what countless other Catholic families across the nation have done. And I am no longer tethered to the ancient Church. The things that captured countless Catholic families and kept them in the faith for countless generations, no longer seem to work. My children are no stronger in the faith than I was before my revert, as countless of their peers follow with them. Surrounding them with Catholic culture isn't transmitting the Catholic faith to them like it used to in the past.
This heritage has been lost while I was watching. And I don't know why. My friends tell me a new approach is needed. That change needs to come. Our Pope is freaking me out of my comfort zone, leaving me reeling a good deal of the time. But if we haven't mastered the heritage and respect the traditions then how do we know what to change too? What more will be lost as we move further and further from our heritage?
I am no longer moored, tethered. I am scattered in the wind. I feel my children and my Church are as well. Where are the lamp posts to light our way? It used to be in our culture, all the Catholics could be found reveling in the Catholic Culture and it is all gone.
I am tired. I am sad. I have lost a treasure. And so have my children.
I guess we will rebuild. It won't be the same. It has to be different. But it can still be good, very good.
I believe that with all my heart and soul.....
a good mother would!
I LOVE the heritage of the faith from these people. And they couldn't be more different.
My mother is 1st generation American from French and German immigrant farmers. She was raised on the land, 11 of 12 children. Only her youngest brother ended up with a college degree and I have 65 first cousins. Her father died when I was 8 and her mother died when I was a sophomore in college. A few years after my grandfather died we moved my grandmother into a house down the block from my childhood home. We took her to the store every week, mowed her lawn and she attended mass with us. My brothers and I simply adored this farmer's wife who made home made bread, embroidered pillow cases, by hand, and made the best cherry pie EVER! She had a simple faith of a simple woman. I think she had one rosary, a bible and maybe a prayer book. I can't remember. But I know that her faith walked with her every day of her life.
My paternal grandfather committed suicide a few weeks before I was born. My grandmother remarried and my step grandfather is the only one I remember. He was a free mason and mocked all things Catholic, but my grandmother kept her faith. They were married for 35 years and she went to mass every Saturday night, but she would never take communion. Even though she was free to be remarried, I don't know if he was. He had been married before as well, but not being religious, I don't know if it had been a church wedding, so he could have been free to as well. But he wouldn't play nice with Church rules and my grandmother adored him more than Jesus. So she did what she could do to still be considered Catholic and she had a strong devotion to the Blessed Mother. She would baby sit us when we were little, and she would make baloney sandwiches, rice crispy treats and spaghettios. She cheated at cards and my brothers and I adored her. She was 2 of 5, born and raised in the city. She was a professional accountant and did the books for a local grocery store in a time when women didn't typically hold such positions. My father is an only child, so I have NO first cousins on his side! She was a treasure trove of Catholic heritage. I have tons of old books, bibles, rosaries, medals, prayer cards...the list could go on and on.
When I first came back to the Church and found the Latin Mass, I threw myself into the mystery of those treasures. And with everything that I investigated from her, I learned things about my faith that I had never been taught before. I felt connected to all the people who walked the walk of faith long before me and I was tethered to the Saints and Martyrs from those prayer cards. I grew by leaps and bounds in my faith and I wanted what they had had access to. I thought the Catholic church was timeless, the truths endless and the Church Triumphant was connected to the Church Militant, and Church Suffering.
We committed to the Novus Ordo mass. Enrolled the children in Catholic school and did what countless other Catholic families across the nation have done. And I am no longer tethered to the ancient Church. The things that captured countless Catholic families and kept them in the faith for countless generations, no longer seem to work. My children are no stronger in the faith than I was before my revert, as countless of their peers follow with them. Surrounding them with Catholic culture isn't transmitting the Catholic faith to them like it used to in the past.
This heritage has been lost while I was watching. And I don't know why. My friends tell me a new approach is needed. That change needs to come. Our Pope is freaking me out of my comfort zone, leaving me reeling a good deal of the time. But if we haven't mastered the heritage and respect the traditions then how do we know what to change too? What more will be lost as we move further and further from our heritage?
I am no longer moored, tethered. I am scattered in the wind. I feel my children and my Church are as well. Where are the lamp posts to light our way? It used to be in our culture, all the Catholics could be found reveling in the Catholic Culture and it is all gone.
I am tired. I am sad. I have lost a treasure. And so have my children.
I guess we will rebuild. It won't be the same. It has to be different. But it can still be good, very good.
I believe that with all my heart and soul.....
a good mother would!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Lost day
The Beloved Spouse and I have the flu.
It has been a lost day. Just trips to the bathroom and sleeping. I am so very grateful that I no longer have itty bitties around to make demands on me during the depths of illness. I am also very glad that I was able to get everyone delivered to their schools without an accident in the van!
No chores. No work. No errands. No after school events.
Just sleep and basking in the quiet of my empty home. Number 1 even purchased dinner so I didn't even have to cook, or quilt trip someone else into it!
It may have been a lost day, but it was most definitely a blessed one!
I hope I feel better tomorrow though,
A good mother would!
It has been a lost day. Just trips to the bathroom and sleeping. I am so very grateful that I no longer have itty bitties around to make demands on me during the depths of illness. I am also very glad that I was able to get everyone delivered to their schools without an accident in the van!
No chores. No work. No errands. No after school events.
Just sleep and basking in the quiet of my empty home. Number 1 even purchased dinner so I didn't even have to cook, or quilt trip someone else into it!
It may have been a lost day, but it was most definitely a blessed one!
I hope I feel better tomorrow though,
A good mother would!
Friday, January 17, 2014
devastation
There is a devout and traditional priest in our diocese that has been in about every part of the diocese that you can imagine.
He has a huge following and is very well loved by many, many, people.
He is a child molester.
The chaos this is causing is just tremendous. Our bishop is a very good man and the accusations that are being hurled against him and the accuser are shocking. Just because you can't believe it, doesn't mean it isn't true.
Now, I know this man as well and I will admit that when I found out, I too, refused to believe it. But when the diocese review board comes forward and says this is credible and removes him from ministry, do you not stop and pause? Ask yourself the question, "what if it is true"?
It is impossible to wrap your mind around such diametrically opposed images. Holy men aren't supposed to be child molesters. So it can't be true!
If it were some smarmy, sleazy, carousing, not pious, priest, then it would be totally believable. But saintly, pious, and devout? No. way.
As this story unfolds, the devastation for the followers of this man will be awful. They will feel foolish for defending this man and for having been deceived by him for so many years. And every other devote priest will be questioned, discounted, and held with suspicion.
I went from denial, to disbelief, to now being totally pissed off. How could this have happened???? How can a priest who looks so good on the outside be so capable of such a heinous thing????
But I remember that one of Jesus' own betrayed Him. A man who walked, ate, and slept, with God and still betrayed Him. So we can't think a priest can betray us? Not so much!
I know that God will turn this to His greater glory, and I hope it doesn't take too soon.
Our recourse is prayer...and that is what I'm doing.
a good mother would.....
He has a huge following and is very well loved by many, many, people.
He is a child molester.
The chaos this is causing is just tremendous. Our bishop is a very good man and the accusations that are being hurled against him and the accuser are shocking. Just because you can't believe it, doesn't mean it isn't true.
Now, I know this man as well and I will admit that when I found out, I too, refused to believe it. But when the diocese review board comes forward and says this is credible and removes him from ministry, do you not stop and pause? Ask yourself the question, "what if it is true"?
It is impossible to wrap your mind around such diametrically opposed images. Holy men aren't supposed to be child molesters. So it can't be true!
If it were some smarmy, sleazy, carousing, not pious, priest, then it would be totally believable. But saintly, pious, and devout? No. way.
As this story unfolds, the devastation for the followers of this man will be awful. They will feel foolish for defending this man and for having been deceived by him for so many years. And every other devote priest will be questioned, discounted, and held with suspicion.
I went from denial, to disbelief, to now being totally pissed off. How could this have happened???? How can a priest who looks so good on the outside be so capable of such a heinous thing????
But I remember that one of Jesus' own betrayed Him. A man who walked, ate, and slept, with God and still betrayed Him. So we can't think a priest can betray us? Not so much!
I know that God will turn this to His greater glory, and I hope it doesn't take too soon.
Our recourse is prayer...and that is what I'm doing.
a good mother would.....
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Growing up
The weather here has been.....wintery.
We have positively LOVED it. On Monday our city shut down and the whole family was forced to stay home. I. Did. Not. Get. Dressed. I did not clean one thing in this house. I baked. I watched TV. I hung out with my husband. All the while my children were doing their own thing.
It. Was. Glorious!!!
They have been home all week.
Last night, the "School is canceled, again" conversation went like this;
"Wickers, your school is closed, again. How does 3 weeks of Christmas vacation feel?"
"It feels like what it must be like to be in college. I feel grown up".
The fact that he knows that, at 12, does make him a little more grown up than I like. In 6 short years he will, in deed, be home for Christmas break for 3 weeks.
All grown up. Too soon.
Thanks wintery weather, I'm going to hang on to this break as long as I can!
A good mother would!
We have positively LOVED it. On Monday our city shut down and the whole family was forced to stay home. I. Did. Not. Get. Dressed. I did not clean one thing in this house. I baked. I watched TV. I hung out with my husband. All the while my children were doing their own thing.
It. Was. Glorious!!!
They have been home all week.
Last night, the "School is canceled, again" conversation went like this;
"Wickers, your school is closed, again. How does 3 weeks of Christmas vacation feel?"
"It feels like what it must be like to be in college. I feel grown up".
The fact that he knows that, at 12, does make him a little more grown up than I like. In 6 short years he will, in deed, be home for Christmas break for 3 weeks.
All grown up. Too soon.
Thanks wintery weather, I'm going to hang on to this break as long as I can!
A good mother would!
Monday, January 6, 2014
Happy Birthday!!!!
This blog is one year old!!!!
Yesterday.
Yes, I'm that on top of things.
I find it compelling that I started this blog over concern about Smoochie starting his new therapy regime.
A year later, I'm making another leap of faith. He was expelled, or "mutually agreed to withdraw", depending on who you believe, and will begin therapy full time. No more school for my sweet baby. And I have no idea how we are going to pay for it.
And I don't even care.
That Friday afternoon when we got the terrible news about Smoochie, I flew over to our parish Blessed Sacrament chapel and spilled my pain to the Lord. This child belongs to Him and is on loan to me. I know that this is the correct path. I know that it will be ok.
So happy birthday blog! Even though life hadn't changed much in the last year, everything has in fact changed.
Wonder what will happen this year? Whatever it is....the Lord has it!
Trust in Him.
a good mother would!
Yesterday.
Yes, I'm that on top of things.
I find it compelling that I started this blog over concern about Smoochie starting his new therapy regime.
A year later, I'm making another leap of faith. He was expelled, or "mutually agreed to withdraw", depending on who you believe, and will begin therapy full time. No more school for my sweet baby. And I have no idea how we are going to pay for it.
And I don't even care.
That Friday afternoon when we got the terrible news about Smoochie, I flew over to our parish Blessed Sacrament chapel and spilled my pain to the Lord. This child belongs to Him and is on loan to me. I know that this is the correct path. I know that it will be ok.
So happy birthday blog! Even though life hadn't changed much in the last year, everything has in fact changed.
Wonder what will happen this year? Whatever it is....the Lord has it!
Trust in Him.
a good mother would!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Birthdays.
I turned 49 yesterday. Buggy turned 15.
I worked, ran errands, had dinner with BS and my best friends, flew home and cooked dinner for the family.
Prepped food for the party, threw a cake in the oven really quick, flew to the vigil mass. Our new driver as of Saturday, Bella, drove the kiddos home from mass in foul, snowy weather and kept everyone alive!
BS and I then went to the parish Trivia Night to support the seminarians with 4 other couples and 200 other "friends". Father blessed our food, and our beer! And then we proceeded to answer 100 absurd trivia questions consuming toooo much food. A toast at midnight, hugs and kisses to my love and friends, a final blessing to send us out into the New Year and off we went.
One. of. the. best. birthdays. ever!!!!
Did you notice how that was all about me?
Buggy got his cake "thrown" into the oven.
sigh.
He did get the one thing he wanted more than anything and did go to mass with us.
When we got home, he said, "Can we eat the cake tomorrow, mom?"
Yes, dear son. Tomorrow will be all about you....
a good mother would......
I worked, ran errands, had dinner with BS and my best friends, flew home and cooked dinner for the family.
Prepped food for the party, threw a cake in the oven really quick, flew to the vigil mass. Our new driver as of Saturday, Bella, drove the kiddos home from mass in foul, snowy weather and kept everyone alive!
BS and I then went to the parish Trivia Night to support the seminarians with 4 other couples and 200 other "friends". Father blessed our food, and our beer! And then we proceeded to answer 100 absurd trivia questions consuming toooo much food. A toast at midnight, hugs and kisses to my love and friends, a final blessing to send us out into the New Year and off we went.
One. of. the. best. birthdays. ever!!!!
Did you notice how that was all about me?
Buggy got his cake "thrown" into the oven.
sigh.
He did get the one thing he wanted more than anything and did go to mass with us.
When we got home, he said, "Can we eat the cake tomorrow, mom?"
Yes, dear son. Tomorrow will be all about you....
a good mother would......
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